Written by: Eric Recker, DDS
It’s okay until it’s not.
My relationship with Mondays was solidified on the recess kickball fields of Lincoln Elementary School in Pella, Iowa, in the early 80s. As one of the youngest kids in my class, and a little soft around the edges (who wasn’t at 8 years old?), anything athletic was a bit of a challenge for me.
When it came time to pick teams for recess kickball, I waited to be picked. I waited every day hoping to be picked. Sadly, I wasn’t, and I was told why. You are not good enough. Hear it once and you may brush it off. Hear it every day and it becomes your identity.
Eric Recker, you are not good enough.
I don’t know anyone who wants to go to school when that is their reality. For most of my life, I have believed that I wasn’t good enough.
Home was a safe place. No one would tell me I wasn’t good enough. No one would bully me, call me names, or shove me to the ground. At home, I was good enough. Unfortunately, not all of life is lived at home.
How the Sunday Scaries Came To Be
I dreaded Mondays. In high school, college, dental school, and into my practicing career. Mondays meant an end to the safety and a start of the uncertainty and pain that I might face. Thus, the birth of the Sunday Scaries. Why? Monday was coming.
How is it that a 40-year-old dentist has a paralyzing fear of Mondays? Turns out, I was not alone.
The Sunday Scaries are real. The average American experiences the Sunday Scaries 36 times per year. That is 9 months out of the year! A 2024 survey of 2,000 adults, conducted by Talker Research for Pacific Foods, found that this feeling is defined as anxiety (32%) or dread (17%) over what to expect the following week.
In my experience, the Scaries manifested as a fight-or-flight reaction. A switch flipped inside me, and I went from calm to anxious. Not nervous energy about the week to come, but full-blown anxiety. I never knew when it would hit, but once it hit, I was tough to be around.
When asking my wife, the fabulous Amy, to describe the way I used to be on Sundays, she recalled that I became apathetic towards life. I was mopey, all my emotions flipped, I was down, sad, angry, but the word she said to describe me the most was frustrated. She now understands the internal battle I was fighting. It was harder to understand back then because it was hard for me to describe.
All the great traditions we had as a family that brought me joy didn’t help on Sundays, whether it was movie night, a special dinner, or a tub of buttered popcorn. I was flat, dull, annoyed, frustrated, stuck. Certain topics became off limits for discussions; I was easily agitated, reactive, and Amy was cautious around me. This was not thriving but merely surviving.
I tried to cope the best I could and propped myself up to get out of bed the next morning to face the day. I had a precise sleep routine but couldn’t clear my spinning mind. I tried busyness to distract me, alcohol to sedate me, exercise to exhaust me, and zoning out on my phone to take me to another place. I was rarely in the same place, mind and body. I was there, but I wasn’t present. I now understand why bars offer drink specials on Sunday afternoons.
Add into all of this, the false sense of urgency, that nagging voice of “should” telling you all the ways you have fallen short and all the things you need to be doing, and I started dreading Sundays as well. I never knew when the feeling was going to hit. The word should is powerful, and it makes us feel less than. There is so much shame in should.
Even though I tried to control every variable, I was losing the battle, starting the week off exhausted and trying to prop myself up enough to endure. Sundays would suck, Mondays I was exhausted, and each day I would claw my way back to a reasonable feeling by Thursday afternoon. The safety of the weekend was ahead. I could breathe.
Looking Forward to Mondays
If this sounds familiar in any way to you, let me tell you, my friend—you are not alone. Remember, the average American faces the Scaries 36 times per year!
When I started to understand the thought behind the thought and analyzed the why behind my relationship with Mondays, I started to understand a couple of things.
1. I needed to deal with the lie of this: I was not good enough in terms of identity. So, I did. I raised my hand and asked for help. Nothing would have changed without this realization, decision, and knowledge I couldn’t do it on my own.
2. One reason I dreaded Mondays is that I had an excessive amount of chaos in my life. Chaos in my schedule at work. Chaos in my personal life that was absent from good systems and habits. Chaos in my mind with that absence of quiet and contemplation. Chaos with my commitments as I had said “yes” far too many times. Chaos because of the absence of peace. How is the chaos in your life? I had sabotaged myself.
The pain of change had officially become less than the pain of staying the same. That is when change happens. That is when we make a change.
Here’s what you can do:
- Ask yourself, how can I make this better?
- Ask those closest to you, how can we work together to make this better?
- Be honest with your mentor, coach, and 2 am friends. No more lies.
- Change your Monday morning routine to ease into the week.
- Talk with your team about what procedures are allowed first thing on Monday and which are off limits. This may drastically improve your mindset going into a new week.
- Start working with your family or your people to schedule joy on Sundays. If you had something to look forward to on Sundays, Monday may seem more doable.
- Consider brain dumping at bedtime. There is a system here, but here’s the basics. Get a piece of paper out, write down everything swirling in your head, and then come up with next steps for the biggest things.
- Learn not to should on yourself. Sundays are a huge gift. Don’t throw away this amazing opportunity to combat anxiety, fear, and urgency. There is always so much to do but never enough time. Can you, however, put your finger on what actually needs to be done or is it just urgency for the sake of urgency? No more of it.
So how about you? What is your relationship with Sundays and Mondays? What would your life be like with some targeted input to help? How does urgency show up for you? Are you ready to do something about it? I go deep with my clients on developing great systems and engineering a life they don’t need a vacation from. Let me know if you want to talk.
Wherever you are, it’s okay. It is not okay to stay there. Imagine where you could be. Then take the next step to make it a reality!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Recker helps people reduce chaos. He has pushed his life to the limit and realized that what he was searching for wasn’t at the top of the mountain. He is committed to helping dentists and their teams overcome overwhelm, reduce the chaos in their lives and practices, show up fully in the moments of their lives, and #WINtheNOW. He would love to help you and your team show up, level up, and thrive. Dr. Recker also maintains a practice in Pella, Iowa, You can reach him at eric@ericrecker.com or ericrecker.com.
Disclosure: Dr. Recker reports no disclosures.
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: Ariya J/Shutterstock.com.
